NO-vember
Seems November is the pun month. Many will be familiar with Movember, the period of time when normally clean shaven men get around looking highly dubious with moustaches of varying success (all supposedly in aid of raising money and awareness for men’s health, though I do wonder whether all participants actually do the charity side of it). Well Mark Barry has just coined a new one – “NO-vember” and I think I’m going to adopt it as my cause. In fact, he just tweeted: “I’ve said ‘no’ to about 15 things this month. In retrospect, I should’ve asked people to sponsor me!”
For me, college has just wrapped up with exams, which has been stressful enough. But instead of being able to rest, it’s time to launch into a whole month of busyness. November/December is a stupidly busy time of year, especially so for people involved in churches. There are Christmas carol events, end of year celebrations, NTE conference and mission, evangelistic activities leading up to Christmas, not to mention Christmas itself.
The problem is all of these things are good to do. I love doing graphic design for my church. I love helping out with graphic design for a newspaper ad that will benefit a whole bunch of Eastern Suburbs churches. I love being part of planning carols events and I love being in them. I love working with the AFES team when they come to our church post-NTE for mission. I love doing music ministry at church and coordinating the team (for which I am paid). I love spending time with my Christian brothers and sisters, and I love going to church and reflecting on who Jesus is and the miracle that he came to earth as a man. It’s all wonderful stuff.
But there are still bills to pay, and Christmas always ends up expensive, no matter how much I try to stick to a budget. And while we do gospel work we still are meant to earn our keep and not be a burden on anyone. So I work as well. And I’m loving my work at K.K! And still doing transcription work on the side. And a little bit of (paid!) graphic design for my old church. But it doesn’t leave much time for anything else.
Rest becomes a complete crash at the end of the day. Gaps in the schedule leave me feeling guilty because there is Stuff To Be Done. And yet we are supposed to rest! We are supposed to have a sabbath. Because if we grind ourselves into the ground, how on earth will we be able to keep going in the long-term?
I’ve already had to say no to NTE, which pains me. I was so looking forward to going, but needed to work and it just became an impossible juggling act. And yet I still find myself agreeing to do things, even though I shouldn’t be able to fit anything else in. I keep forgetting I need so much more rest than the average person…
So I’m going to reflect on NO-vember. Even though it’s half over. There is still time to say no.
Read MoreChange
Had my last bit of training today for k.k (which is what I shall henceforth call my place of employment).
Something that struck me was at the beginning, doing some get to know you type things, we had to turn to the person next to us and answer these questions:
- name
- star sign
- what did you want to be when you grew up?
- Sundays are for…
The girl next to me, S, was sweet, and we chatted a bit before getting down to the questions.
“I don’t really know star signs,” she said. ”I’m born in March, so…”
“Aries, I think. I only know that because I had a friend in primary school who was born in March and she was an Aries. I don’t really know star signs apart from that, and that I’m a Taurus, whatever that means.”
She said her Sundays were for brunch and just hanging out. When it was my turn to answer I said Sundays were for going to church, and helping out with music at church, as I was employed as a student minister.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. ”Are you a Christian?”
“Yep.”
“Me too!”
“Oh cool!”
“What church do you go to?”
“Wild St Anglican in Maroubra.”
“That’s great!”
We got called back to report to the group before I could find out anything more about her. I realised she had been hesitant to say anything about her Christianity, assuming that I wouldn’t be into it, or I might make preconceived judgements about her, but she was obviously excited to find someone else like her among the group.
We went around the circle and each had to tell the group what we’d learned about the person beside us. Every single person in the group said a variation of Sundays were for waking up late, eating and just chilling out. When S introduced me, she talked about my church involvement. When I introduced her, I just said the bit about her hanging out and eating brunch. I didn’t think she’d want to be ‘outed’ by me. But it made me realise how comfortable I am with my Christianity these days, and how intrinsic a part of my person it is, being a follower of Jesus. I’m not ashamed to say that I spend my Sundays at church or for people to know I believe in Jesus. But I know that when I was at uni, I would have been more like S; I would have identified as Christian if pressed, but wouldn’t have willingly volunteered the information.
I like seeing how I’ve changed, how the Spirit has changed me.
Read MoreBe still my soul
I’ve loved the revival of old hymns that has been happening over the last few years. There is so much richness in those old songs!
Last night we went to hear the excellent new jazz band transit launch their eponymous album (I did briefly wonder at the wisdom of going to a gig during exam week, especially when a bunch of MTC lecturers would be present (and playing in the band), but hey, I got over it). The band plays some original material, as well as some great old hymns reworked into jazz arrangements. I really enjoyed their version of Be still my soul (especially Andy Vance’s gorgeous piano intro, and you can’t go past Sibelius’s beautiful, simple melody, really), and even better I’ve had the lyrics floating around in my head all day, especially verse two. They are especially good words to keep singing to myself as I study, and as we receive a letter putting our rent up, and as we hear news that my uncle had a mlid heart attack on the weekend (he’s okay, by the way), and…all the news, big and small, the Lord God is in control of it all.
Here’s a traditional, boys’ choir version of the hymn for your listening pleasure. It really is a beautiful piece of music. Read MoreBe still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
Words: Katharina A. von Schlegel, in Neue Samm lung Geist licher Lieder, 1752 (Stille, meine Wille, dein Jesus hilft sie gen); translat ed from German to English by Jane L. Borthwick in Hymns from the Land of Luther, 1855.
it’s all grace
My Bible reading today was Mark 3:7-19, when Jesus calls the 12 disciples. One thing struck me as I was reading; that Jesus calls Judas Iscariot, knowing that he will eventually betray him. Judas was with Jesus from the beginning, so he saw and heard Jesus’ earthly ministry first hand, and yet he didn’t believe that Jesus was the Messiah, the son of God. He was right in the thick of things, and yet ultimately couldn’t see what was right in front of him.
I’ve been thinking people I’ve known in churches, or people who call themselves Christians, who are right in the thick of things and seem fully committed, and yet haven’t actually ‘got’ it. It hasn’t clicked, they haven’t understood, they take on the label of ‘Christian’ and they join in the community and get involved, but they haven’t allowed the word of God to transform them, to change their hearts, to turn their lives around.
It’s not for me to judge, by any means. And, until Jesus returns, it’s never too late for people to get it. But I thought it interesting to realise that right from the beginning of ‘church’, of people gathering in Jesus’ name, there have been people who looked like the real deal on the surface, but underneath were just the same as they had always been. But that Jesus knows who we were, who we are and who we will be, and loves us anyway.
The SU notes that went with today’s reading talked mainly about Simon Peter, the disciple who would go on to be the rock of the early church, but who displayed some very human stumbling and mistakes on his way there. I’ve always been encouraged by Peter, because he is so real in his responses to Jesus, being broken by sin and then by the grace of God being rebuilt into the man Jesus knew he was. He is a great encouragement to persevere, to not be destroyed by missteps and failures in the Christian life, but to trust in Jesus.
I’ll just quote the last para of the notes by Steve Bradbury including a cracking quote from John Newton:
Read MoreSimon was no Peter, at least not yet, and it would be some time before the trust Jesus was placing in him, and the re-creative and restorative forgiveness God kept pouring into his life, made Simon into the rock that Jesus could already see. How wonderful that we, too, can intimately know this transforming love, expressed so poignantly by the one-time slave-ship captain John Newton: ‘I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be in another world. But still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.’
Encounter with God, Scripture Union, Jul-Sep 2010, p94
How long, o Lord?
Each day is a fight, to varying degrees. A fight for joy? A fight to stay afloat? A fight against this silly black dog, who I forget about even though he’s always skulking along behind me. Some days I don’t notice the struggle, it’s just part of the momentum of the every day. And other days it feels like to even see beyond the next five minutes is impossible, like I’m stumbling around in fog.
I’ve been sick for a while with some coldish thing, got better, went away for the weekend, then got sick again. It’s been dragging on for weeks now, with headaches and nausea and aches and pains and the blah blah blah of symptoms that are so boring to describe because they are just so mundane. They sound, even to me, like excuses, like hypochondria, like psychosomatic nothings.
But today I woke up feeling much more okay than I have for a while. I felt like moving. I felt like doing something. So I did some yoga to ease back into things (not that my exercise is ever what you’d call strenuous!). I felt great. Had some yummy food for lunch. I was starting to feel like just blobbing at home but no, had things to do! I was up and energised! I could achieve them! I got in the car and drove to the inner west…
And then my brain kicked in.
“What are you doing? Why are you at college? Why did you think you could do this? You’re only part time now, what’s it going to be like when you’re full time? You shouldn’t be at college. You shouldn’t be at college. You haven’t even done the readings for the last couple of weeks. You’ve only been to half the lectures. You shouldn’t be at college.”
And on. And on. And on.
Eventually my common sense kicked in and went “hey that’s the depression talking, snap out of it.” So I rang my mum for a reality check, and wise as ever, she reminded me I’d been sick, run down and tired from the weekend away. And that whenever I felt like that I had to look after myself and remember that I needed lots of rest.
But by the time I was sitting in my class at college I felt the nausea and headaches start to hit again. I thought I could tough it out. I mean, it’s only two hours, right? But at the mid-class break one of my friends walked past and said “Bec! You look terrible!” and I thought “right. I’m going home.”
The drive home seemed to take forever. But eventually I got home, put on my trackies, got out my Old Testament textbook and did the readings for class while in bed under my blanket. After a couple of hours I still feel a bit blah but much better than I did.
Sometimes depression feels like a tangible enemy, to the point where I feel I can echo David’s words in Psalm 13 and cry to God, wanting to know when this season of my life will end. It’s been years now! Will I always feel like this? Maybe, maybe not. Will I ever have boundless energy and stamina and ability? Maybe, maybe not (though all signs point to no…I mean who does, right?). Does suffering depression mean that God loves me less? Of course not!
As much as the enemy is prowling around, the closing stanza of this psalm is ever true. May I ever trust our gracious God, and go wherever he leads me. He’ll give me what I need to do the work he wants me to do.
Read MoreHow long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?How long will you hide your face from me?How long must I take counsel in my souland have sorrow in my heart all the day?How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.I will sing to the LORD,because he has dealt bountifully with me.
(Psalm 13 ESV)
history comes alive!
I had a marvellous experience this week. I met with a group of other musical directors from other Sydney churches at St Philip’s York Street. This was a lovely occasion in itself, to meet with other people who are doing the same sort of thing I’m doing at Wild Street, and to also share our experiences and knowledge and hear how others do church (for example, Bren and Ro’s experiences at St Paul’s Castle Hill, where they have around 1100 people attending over four services differs greatly from Huw’s at St Philip’s, where they have around 150 people attending over three services).
Although that fellowship was well worth the time, the highlight of the day for me was actually being shown around St Philip’s, the church, and learning a bit about its history. It’s a beautiful building, designed by Edmund Blacket and built between 1848 and 1856 (more about the building’s history here).
St Philip's York Street, from the bell tower gallery
Huw led us down to “the dungeon” – first to see the strange little choir room (a most uninspiring space for a choir but good conditions for preserving boxes and boxes of choral scores that Huw has no idea what to do with). Then we went into a little locked storage room, and Justin, the rector of the church, joined us to chat about some of the things therein.
There was a case full of impressive silverware and a wall of photos and drawings of the past ministers of St Philip’s. But the things that took my fancy the most were the two books Justin brought out.
This is the King James Bible that Revered Richard Johnson brought over on the First Fleet. He preached his first sermon from it in 1788, and continued to use it as he ministered to the new colony. As Justin said, if you became a Christian in Australia, you could trace that heritage back to this very book. (I’m not sure why I opened it at Job to take the picture, it just fell open there…)
And this is the prayer book he used. Justin said “this is the only page with the splatters on it – what do you think they’re from?” The clue is in the contents of the page itself; convicts getting married would sign their marriage papers or register on the pages of the prayer book (presumably because they had no table or anywhere else to do it). We also had a quick look at the beautiful marriage registers from the 1800s, complete with people signing their names with Xs because they were illiterate, or being given permission to marry by the government, as they had no family here to vouch for them.
It was just an amazing connection through history with people who had worked hard and preserved the gospel, bringing it on a stinking boat all the way from England to this new, alien country, because it was important to bring God’s word to those who needed it. Working alongside criminals and the dispossessed to tell them how much God loved them when nobody else did.
I was struck by how much we have in Sydney now, the freedom to worship, the ready access to all sorts of resources, Bibles in multiple translations. And yet even though they might not be in the exact same circumstances as the convicts who came over on the First Fleet, the majority of people in Sydney still need to hear about God’s love for them, about him sending Jesus to die for them so that they didn’t have to be judged for their sins. It’s awe-inspiring to stand on the shoulders of men like Johnson, but also a reminder that there is still much work that God has set aside for us to do.
It’s exciting to see the people at St Philip’s working hard to reach people, especially in the CBD area. I’m praying for them to stand firm and persevere in a tough harvest field, and that God will bring them much joy.
Edit to add:
Just after writing this I did my Bible reading for the morning, and the passage was Luke 10:1-20, which seemed to tie in beautifully with what I’d just been reflecting on. Jesus equips and sends out 72 disciples to go ahead of him and tell people that the kingdom of God is near. They go out and come back with reports of great success:
The seventy-two returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!” And he said to them, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”(Luke 10:17-20 ESV)