Change

Posted on Nov 11, 2010 in Christian thinking, Church | 2 comments

Had my last bit of training today for k.k (which is what I shall henceforth call my place of employment).

Something that struck me was at the beginning, doing some get to know you type things, we had to turn to the person next to us and answer these questions:

• name
• star sign
• what did you want to be when you grew up?
• Sundays are for…

The girl next to me, S, was sweet, and we chatted a bit before getting down to the questions.

“I don’t really know star signs,” she said.  ”I’m born in March, so…”

“Aries, I think.  I only know that because I had a friend in primary school who was born in March and she was an Aries.  I don’t really know star signs apart from that, and that I’m a Taurus, whatever that means.”

She said her Sundays were for brunch and just hanging out.  When it was my turn to answer I said Sundays were for going to church, and helping out with music at church, as I was employed as a student minister.

“Oh!” she exclaimed.  ”Are you a Christian?”

“Yep.”

“Me too!”

“Oh cool!”

“What church do you go to?”

“Wild St Anglican in Maroubra.”

“That’s great!”

We got called back to report to the group before I could find out anything more about her.  I realised she had been hesitant to say anything about her Christianity, assuming that I wouldn’t be into it, or I might make preconceived judgements about her, but she was obviously excited to find someone else like her among the group.

We went around the circle and each had to tell the group what we’d learned about the person beside us.  Every single person in the group said a variation of Sundays were for waking up late, eating and just chilling out.  When S introduced me, she talked about my church involvement.  When I introduced her, I just said the bit about her hanging out and eating brunch.  I didn’t think she’d want to be ‘outed’ by me.  But it made me realise how comfortable I am with my Christianity these days, and how intrinsic a part of my person it is, being a follower of Jesus.  I’m not ashamed to say that I spend my Sundays at church or for people to know I believe in Jesus.  But I know that when I was at uni, I would have been more like S; I would have identified as Christian if pressed, but wouldn’t have willingly volunteered the information.

I like seeing how I’ve changed, how the Spirit has changed me.

grillage

Posted on Oct 19, 2010 in Church, College, Depression | 4 comments

Had a great dinner at Dave and Lisa’s last night.  In true Dave style, he grilled me on all sorts of things, namely what the next few years will look like for me, what my plans are during and post-college, etc.

I do enjoy these sorts of conversations with him, because I know he is trying to help me think through the big questions and clarify my motivations for things.  And he also gently points out things he is concerned I haven’t thought of (he doesn’t think he’s gentle, but he is pretty good at this and Lisa’s around to soften the blows if required).

The main things we were trying to think through is what to say yes to and what to say no to, where my strengths lie, and what ministry might do to someone already struggling with depression.  I have the problem of negotiating the tension between ‘this is what I’d like to do’ and ‘this is what I will have the energy to do’.  I tend to look at each prospective ‘project’ in isolation, instead of seeing the big picture and how everything fits into that, and although this sounds ridiculous, I tend to forget I’m dealing with depression and forget to factor it in.

So I think “hey I’d like to get more involved in youth ministry so I can start putting some of what I’m learning into practice.”  And I notice there are gaps in the youth leaders’ team at church next year.  So I volunteer to do youth ministry.

But I’m also still doing music ministry for church.

But I’ll also be doing college almost full time.

And I haven’t factored in non-lecture study time, plentiful rest time, exercise time, etc.

There is so much good work to do.  But I don’t have to do it all!  And as Lisa pointed out, just because I say no to something now, doesn’t mean I’m saying no to it forever.  It’s just for this time.

Still chewing this over.  But I do greatly value the people God puts in my life to help me along in my walk with him, and to help me think through how best to do the work he has for me to do.

Engage 2010

Posted on Sep 1, 2010 in Church | 2 comments

Went up the mountain to Engage 2010 last weekend.  It was a beautiful weekend, with clear cold nights and crisp sunny days.  I was a bit out of it most of the weekend, so found it a bit hard to get a grasp on the talks and as a whole.  But from what I could hang onto they were thought-provoking; what stuck in my head is that we should work for good, and live as God’s people in the world together, not isolated from one another.

That sense of community and fellowship was really strong in the house we stayed in over the weekend.

Hanging out on Saturday night

There were 17 of us, not all from Wild Street, staying in this lovely house called Greenhills at Blackheath.

The lovely (huge) house, Greenhills

Lisa and Dave had organised all the delicious food beforehand, and there always seemed to be people ready to help prepare and cook.

Dave, the gourmet burger master

There was enough space that you could lie in the sun, or play pool, or toast marshmallows, or just sit around and chat.

Anna and me on the lawn

It was just a great weekend building on existing friendships, making new ones, serving one another and hearing God’s word.  It’s been a long time since I’ve come home from a conference weekend and wished I was still there, but I definitely felt it this time!

School photo (sadly, minus Lachy)

history comes alive!

Posted on Aug 21, 2010 in Christian thinking, Church, Stuffs | 0 comments

I had a marvellous experience this week. I met with a group of other musical directors from other Sydney churches at St Philip’s York Street. This was a lovely occasion in itself, to meet with other people who are doing the same sort of thing I’m doing at Wild Street, and to also share our experiences and knowledge and hear how others do church (for example, Bren and Ro’s experiences at St Paul’s Castle Hill, where they have around 1100 people attending over four services differs greatly from Huw’s at St Philip’s, where they have around 150 people attending over three services).

Although that fellowship was well worth the time, the highlight of the day for me was actually being shown around St Philip’s, the church, and learning a bit about its history. It’s a beautiful building, designed by Edmund Blacket and built between 1848 and 1856 (more about the building’s history here).

St Philip's York Street, from the bell tower gallery

Huw led us down to “the dungeon” – first to see the strange little choir room (a most uninspiring space for a choir but good conditions for preserving boxes and boxes of choral scores that Huw has no idea what to do with). Then we went into a little locked storage room, and Justin, the rector of the church, joined us to chat about some of the things therein.

There was a case full of impressive silverware and a wall of photos and drawings of the past ministers of St Philip’s. But the things that took my fancy the most were the two books Justin brought out.

This is the King James Bible that Revered Richard Johnson brought over on the First Fleet.  He preached his first sermon from it in 1788, and continued to use it as he ministered to the new colony.  As Justin said, if you became a Christian in Australia, you could trace that heritage back to this very book.  (I’m not sure why I opened it at Job to take the picture, it just fell open there…)

And this is the prayer book he used.  Justin said “this is the only page with the splatters on it – what do you think they’re from?”  The clue is in the contents of the page itself; convicts getting married would sign their marriage papers or register on the pages of the prayer book (presumably because they had no table or anywhere else to do it).  We also had a quick look at the beautiful marriage registers from the 1800s, complete with people signing their names with Xs because they were illiterate, or being given permission to marry by the government, as they had no family here to vouch for them.

It was just an amazing connection through history with people who had worked hard and preserved the gospel, bringing it on a stinking boat all the way from England to this new, alien country, because it was important to bring God’s word to those who needed it.  Working alongside criminals and the dispossessed to tell them how much God loved them when nobody else did.

I was struck by how much we have in Sydney now, the freedom to worship, the ready access to all sorts of resources, Bibles in multiple translations.  And yet even though they might not be in the exact same circumstances as the convicts who came over on the First Fleet, the majority of people in Sydney still need to hear about God’s love for them, about him sending Jesus to die for them so that they didn’t have to be judged for their sins.  It’s awe-inspiring to stand on the shoulders of men like Johnson, but also a reminder that there is still much work that God has set aside for us to do.

It’s exciting to see the people at St Philip’s working hard to reach people, especially in the CBD area.  I’m praying for them to stand firm and persevere in a tough harvest field, and that God will bring them much joy.

Edit to add:

Just after writing this I did my Bible reading for the morning, and the passage was Luke 10:1-20, which seemed to tie in beautifully with what I’d just been reflecting on.  Jesus equips and sends out 72 disciples to go ahead of him and tell people that the kingdom of God is near.  They go out and come back with reports of great success:

The seventy-two returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!” And he said to them, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

(Luke 10:17-20 ESV)

ramble

Posted on May 23, 2010 in Church, College, Depression | 0 comments

I keep opening this screen, intending to write, and then just stare until I give in and shut the browser down. A lot has been happening and yet not much at all. There’s lots of stuff going on that I feel isn’t appropriate to discuss in this space – which will shock you, I know, given some of the other stuff I’ve written about. But I guess it’s not prudent or kind to talk about situations involving other people …well it’s gossip really, I suppose.

All I can say is how I’m feeling at the moment.

I’m feeling simultaneously encouraged and burdened by life and relationships, which I guess is how it goes. I have had a period of a few weeks where I’ve been finding things more of a struggle than normal. Have been just really tired, really emotional, really anxious. Have gone up a step on my medication in the hope that it will help me even out a bit (the doctor said I could). It hasn’t quite stabilised yet (these things often take about three weeks to really kick in when you go up or down with anti depressants) but hopefully I’ll feel the effects soon. All I’ve been wanting to do is sleep the past week, but when I do sleep it’s not especially restful. Weird dreams and unexplained waking up. Yesterday I slept for 13 hours but still felt exhausted (I know that often happens when you oversleep anyway, so that doesn’t help).

I led singing at the Wild Street women’s day yesterday with George and Tamara. The day’s theme was ‘Wholehearted Faith’, so one of the songs we chose was Great is Thy Faithfulness, which I haven’t sung for years and years. I was doing fine with it until the last verse, which I’d even mentioned in my intro:

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

I just got all choked up by the third line and started to cry. Encouraged by the truth of it and also broken by acknowledging how much I need God. Broken and thankful. I don’t know, it’s very confusing. But then I could sing out “Great is thy faithfulness!” with great gusto, even if my voice was warbly and cracking (I put the mic down so no one else would have to hear it!).

Thankfully I have finished a lot of the paid work I had over the last several weeks, so I can concentrate on Wild Street and college work now. College has been immensely encouraging, but at the same time very draining. It’s hard being around people so long every day when I’ve been mostly on my own during the day for the last year. I find morning tea and lunch times quite hard because I actually have to (gasp!) talk to people. But they are generally such lovely people, and I am so grateful for people like those in my first year group, and some of the lecturers and chaplains who are very supportive. I think I’ll get over it eventually.

Anyway I just want to let you know how I’m doing. And ask that you pray for me, if that’s something you do. Thanks!