Another game I had, when we lived in Papua New Guinea, was to imagine living on the ceiling. We had a coffee table with a mirror inlaid into it, and I would look into this mirror of an upside down world, where the lights all stood up from the ground like plants on straight stalks, and everything was white and minimalist. I would try to catch a glimpse of people who lived in this ceiling world, who were just out of the sightline of my mirror portal.

I love hearing stories of my friends’ children and the games and fictions they spin. It’s so delightful seeing the world through the eyes of a four year old, where bears hanging around outside your house is a perfectly plausible prospect, where you can be a magician if you decide to be, where the most ordinary objects hold some kind of immense untapped power.

I’d like to get back a bit of that imagination somehow. I know it’s still there in me, just need to crack through the sugar shell and release the creamy goodness inside (can you tell I want a creme brulee?).

Though there was a moment of humour amongst the dross – job ad for publisher of “entertaining fiction for women”(let the reader understand), applications were to be sent to “Belinda Lusty”. It’s nominative determinism gone mad, I tell you!

I have actually had an interview, and will be having the second round of interviews for that job later this week! So that’s exciting. And I’ve applied for a couple of things.

In the meantime, I’m trying to keep moving forward, even if it’s only a tiny step at a time.

Tupperware stuff is actually going pretty well. [book me for a party] I mean, I’m not smashing amazing targets or anything (yet?), but I’ve had a steady number of demos to do [book me for a party] and even if this doesn’t turn out to be something I’m going to do long-term, [book me for a party] I’m amassing a pretty cool collection of Tupperware I’ll get to keep at the end. It’s actually really fun, to be honest, and I hope I can make a good go of it.

No, there were no subliminal messages in that last paragraph. But if you’d like to book me for a party, you can email me at sales [at] rebeccajee.com.

I’ve also started up another blog to show off things I’ve made! I was looking at my bags and crocheted bits and pieces and thinking that I do achieve things, even if they’re not big, flashy things. Making a bag is fantastic! Crocheting an animal is satisfying! Creating something out of disparate bits is such a cool ability I’ve been blessed with, so I thought it was time to celebrate it.

That blog is called TalulaMei. Please pay me a visit there!

I thought I’d try and set goals, because apparently that helps you achieve things in life. But the problem is I’m finding it really hard to actually define anything I want to aim for. I’m thinking this is the depression cloud fogging up my vision, because really there are so many things I could do. But I start to think about anything beyond next week, and it’s just blank. I feel like Sara in the Labyrinth, running along the wall outside, unable to see the entrances that are right in front of her and starting to panic.

The only goal I’ve had any success with so far is losing weight. I aimed to lose at least 5kgs between October and December, and I lost 7.5. Which is great! I have to keep remembering that this is great.

But work…what do I want to do? Get money. How do I want to do that? I. Don’t. Know.

Living…where do I want to live? Here. I don’t want to move. My friends are here. My church is here. We have space and a yard and a spare room. But we can’t afford to live here. So where do I look? I. Don’t. Know.

I started asking, well, what’s the point? And I know what the point is. My point of being here is to glorify God. In my life, in my speech, in my thoughts, in everything. And he has never failed to provide for me. I trust him.

I’m trying to be still, and meditate on that. But keeping the panic at bay and not crying and not despairing and not descending into a spiral of “what a mess of a life you’ve made” is really quite hard.

God, give me strength!

Christmas is over. People are away. Everything’s quietening down. So that means – time free to sew without procrastinatory guilt!

My favourite colour combo at present is a bold black and white IKEA print with a plain red for contrast (though they don’t seem to have the print I’ve used on their website anymore). I love their fabrics for bag making, as the prints appeal to me, the weight of the cotton fabric is heavy but not upholstery-fabric-heavy, and the fabric is reasonably cheap.

I’ve made two tote bags out of this combo, and two cushion covers that Karen commissioned. I had just enough left to make a camera tote bag for my new Canon 60D!

I don’t much like having to deal with zips or velcro when carrying a camera about. I like to just be able to pull the camera out at whim, shoot, and put it away with a minimum of fuss. Of course that means that the bag isn’t so great from a security perspective, but with the short straps it will always be close to my body so I’m not bothered by that so much.

I also used the padded, velcroed inserts from an old camera bag to create the partition, which can be removed if I need to use the bag for bigger things. The red lining is some old fat stripe corduroy that gives the whole thing a nice, cushiony feel.

This is probably the first successful bag I’ve made up completely out of my head. Woo hoo! Seems the skills I have learned from other bag making patterns have stuck!

It’s not the first total original I have attempted – I still have a bag for Little that’s 3/4 finished and a bag for Hendry that is pretty much done. I made both of those up, but I’m not completely satisfied with them…they’re kind of prototypes I guess, but since I don’t really do factory-line assembly I guess every bag is unique, so to call them prototypes wouldn’t be quite correct. I think it was more that both Little and Hendry commissioned me to make them, and I felt like the workmanship needed to be better than my usual efforts if money was actually going to change hands (cushion covers are a little simpler!).

But I am very happy with my camera bag. So maybe it’s time to finish these other bags and release them to their owners!

* I remember seeing this in London, and previously I had overlooked this song, much preferring the twittering of the female roles** to the militant dude songs, but on this occasion was particularly captivated by Marius’s verse: “Had you been there tonight you might know how it feels / to be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight”. I was such a romantic, swoony teenager.

** though Cosette always was a pain.

I think everyone was surprised that I actually managed to keep it a secret, given how much I go on about every tiny little detail that crosses my mind. But Lachy and I decided to pool our collective talents and make a Christmas CD. He had written a couple of Christmas songs a couple of years ago, and talked about recording them for his mum as a present, but never got around to it. So we added our favourite traditional carols, mucked around with them a bit and came out with a pretty pleasing finished product. I did some nifty graphic design, we sent it all off to a secret laboratory overseas and in less than three months, voila! The Christmas Project!

It makes mothers and grandparents cry! You know it must be good!

We’ve given out a few copies as Christmas presents, but if you would like to hear previews or download it yourself it’s even available on iTunes and CD Baby (the latter is where we got it made and is cheaper).

Get it now! You only have three days left until it becomes irrelevant for another 11 months!!!

(Lachy just pointed out that Jesus’ birth is not irrelevant, but listening to Christmas carols out of season may not be your thing, and, indeed, may be a social faux pas.)

Here’s a fairly unflattering photo of me at said party, with the contents of my Quickstart kit:

(my hair may look odd, but I look cheerful!)

Tupperware is one of those funny things that goes in cycles…a lot of us had it growing up, and our mums would have gone to Tupperware parties. I know that happened a lot in the church circles I grew up in, to the point where people kind of got party overload. But now I think a lot of people in my generation and younger are starting up homes, looking to get their kitchens and households set up, and Tupperware fits neatly into that slot (so to speak).

I’m actually pretty keen on the stuff, to be honest. I guess I wouldn’t be selling it if I didn’t like it! So…if you want to have a party or even just buy some Tupperware without a party, get in touch!

One thing that has struck me, though, is the strategies we’re taught to use in selling this product are similar to how we should/could evangelise, and yet we don’t often promote the gospel this way. So at TW we have weekly sales meetings that aren’t compulsory but are recommended so you get a sense of the team and support and grow in your knowledge of TW. Those are many of the benefits of going to church each week. At TW we are encouraged to tell everyone we know what we’re doing, to carry around catalogues in case anyone wants one, to use every opportunity to talk about our business. Being a Christian, we’re also encouraged to tell everyone we know the gospel, to have literature on hand to give to interested people, to use every opportunity.

And yet…why does it seem easier to talk about a plastic box that will save your food for a few weeks, and yet so hard to talk about Jesus, who will save your life for eternity?

I’ve been convicted about this. I’m going to read Promoting the Gospel by John Dickson to give me a kick in the pants.

But…the BBQ was before the event, not after. And the journalist was supposed to come the week before so the photo would serve as publicity for the event. And then we were hoping he would mention our Christmas day services in lieu of being printed on the right date, but he didn’t. I guess you can’t make specific requests on free publicity, can you?

MasterCarols happened last Sunday, and even though it was pouring rain for half the day, we still had a full house! There were plenty of visitors, and the singing was joyous.

I love it when people really get into the singing. When you’re standing up the front leading, it can be quite flattening to see a bunch of blank faces staring back – not even staring at you, but gazing off into the middle distance, completely unengaged. With Christmas carols, because they’re so familiar, people usually join in with great gusto, and it makes me so happy to see people moving along to the music as well. We had an excellent band this year, who all worked well together and made good music.

I’ve been really struck by how much solid gold gospel and worship there is in many of the Christmas carols. I’m always trying to encourage people to think about what they’re singing, but I think with Christmas carols I’m as guilty as anyone of mindlessly singing them half the time. But even though you get dubious lines like “little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes” in Away in a manger (doubtful!), you also get things like this in O come all ye faithful:

God of God, Light of light
Lo, he abhors not the Virgin’s womb
Very God, begotten, not created
O come let us adore him!

That’s a credal statement, right there. Or how about, from O Holy Night:

Truly he taught us to love one another
His law is love and his gospel is peace
Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother
And in his name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we
Let all within us praise his holy name
Christ is the Lord, o praise his name forever
His power and glory evermore proclaim!

And to finish, some majestic Charles Wesley in Hark the herald angels sing:

Hail the heaven born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Sun of Righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings
Risen with healing in his wings
Mild, he lays his glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
Glory to the new born king! 

So many people sing these words every year, or even hear them in shopping malls, and don’t give them a second thought. They’re just the aural wallpaper of the season. But wouldn’t it be wonderful if people singing these words this year could actually understand them for the first time? Pray that God moves mightily in people, and that those of us involved in church gatherings and events would not get caught up in rushing around, but would point to the glorious Prince of Peace.

All morning I’ve just felt anxious and useless, though I know I’m not. I read my Bible. I got some things done for this weekend’s MasterCarols at church. I spoke to my Tupperware area manager. I did my washing.

But it feels like I’m just asleep. I wish I could wake up.